Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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