how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
