Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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