If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
