in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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