so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
