I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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