im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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