im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
