Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
