some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize