Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
