i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
