On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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