I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
