I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize