we have pet lesbian snakes
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
