Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
