I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She told me I should be a condom model.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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