I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
