bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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