Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
