I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
