My balls are so social today.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
