Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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