my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
