Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize