my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Drunk is not a location!
The Olympian is in my bed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
