if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
