Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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