I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
