yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
