just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
