im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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