using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
