so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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