you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
