You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
