This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
we should paint friendship bongs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
