The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
