if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
