its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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