I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
