Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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