oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
