you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
