went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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