So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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