Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize