All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
