when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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