I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
