Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
