he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
