Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
