I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
