found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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