I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
