I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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