I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
