So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
