I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
