too bad you live with your parents still
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize