I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I AM VODKA MAN
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
