i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
