I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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